NEWS///WTF?!? FILES///EXMOVERE’S NEW “WEARABLE CHARIOT” SET TO TURN AMERICA’S OBESE INTO NATION OF ROBOT WARRIORS
If ever a new robotic product should have been introduced on “The Office” (or in the pages of The Onion), it is EXMOVERE‘s new MOBILE CHARIOT. A so-called “wearable robot” that is part Segway, part R2D2, the device is totally self-balancing and hands-free, allows “riders” to move from a standing to seated position while still wearing the device, and can move at speeds of up to 12 mph. Like a Segway, it is controlled by subtle body movements, mainly of the lower torso and hips. Sensors inside the cocoon-like shell of the vehicle predict the intended motion of the wearer, and according the company claims (this must be for American users), the Chariot requires “no manual dexterity, and minimal physical effort and allows wearers to closely approach and reach objects.” While we’d like to believe this device was created strictly for amputees and the disabled (picture Stephen Hawking as a newly empowered super robot warrior), we’re inclined to believe the rumors that America’s massive obese population is quietly buying up the company’s entire first run of the product in an effort to organize a secret gladiatorial league.
Michael Scott’s new “Casual Fridays” outfit…
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